Ana Valens and Alex Dalbey— 2018-11-20 05:30 am

Transgender Day of Remembrance honors the memory of trans people, many of whom are trans women of color, who have lost their lives in acts of anti-transgender violence. As the mother of a thirteen-year-old trans boy focusing on the existence of this level of transphobic hate is upsetting. Only last month, in the hopes that I would bear witness to the making of a better future for my son, I traveled to Washington, DC to listen to the oral arguments for the most important trans rights case in US history, R.G. & G.R. Harris Funeral Homes, Inc. vs. Aimee Stephens and the EEOC. Instead of hope, I encountered a shocking degree of misunderstanding.

Within the first few moments of the arguments, Chief Justice Roberts posed the following question: “If the objection of a transgender man transitioning to woman is that he should be allowed to use, he or she, should be allowed to use the women's bathroom, now, how do you analyze that?” His tone was pointed, almost aggressive, as if to say, Look, here is the obvious problem—we cannot have men in the women’s room. His confident tone contrasted with the way he stumbled over his words.

Through his awkwardly phrased question Roberts revealed bald ignorance regarding gender identity. A person who is born male-bodied and grows up to become a woman is a woman. She is a trans woman and the correct pronoun to use for that person is she. This is the fact of transgender identity, and is affirmed by the American Medical Association, American Psychiatric Association, American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Child Development and Psychology, and many more clinical organizations that have confirmed the diversity of human gender.

Yet in the highest court of the land with its pomp and circumstance, its soaring ceilings, and its storied, sacred bench set high on the dais, the Chief Justice had just made an elementary mistake regarding gender. My stomach dropped and my heart pounded. How is “Equal Justice Under Law,” the promise emblazoned in the stone facade of the court, possible without a basic level of mutual understanding? And Chief Justice Roberts was not the only one--a number of professionals in the room, Justices and counsel alike made similar mistakes. To make matters worse, the Daily Podcast at the New York Times distributed a clip of Justice Roberts posing the offending question without any comment as to the problems with it.

Misgendering, which is the word used to describe an event in which a person (usually a cis-person) uses the incorrect words to address a trans or nonbinary person, is not merely a mistake of grammar or social awkwardness. It is a moment that incites distressing feelings of loneliness, disrespect, and exhaustion over the constant need to “prove” the veracity of a trans person’s existence. This experience is disruptive and causes real harm, especially when the harm is repeated over and over, contributing to trans minority stress (Minority stress is a clinical term that describes the day-in-day-out stress that anyone in a marginalized group experiences because of discrepancy between their lives and the values of the dominant culture). That misgendering occurred in the Supreme Court sent the chilling message to the trans community and their allies that the corridors of power in this country still do not understand the issue at hand.

To be sure, gender diversity is a new concept for most people and has introduced many new terms to our language. Each of us has a learning curve. But words matter. Transphobic violence begins with ignorance. Using the wrong words to refer to a trans person plants the seed of misunderstanding which kicks off the cycle. In addition, this kind of mistake reveals someone's private gender history and thereby causes them to be less safe in a culture that is at best still learning and at worst malignant toward this group of people.

 As a mother, this is something that I think about a lot. Interestingly, children do not struggle with these new conventions of language. A few years ago when my son started using male pronouns, not a single child made the mistake that the Chief Justice made from the bench of the Supreme Court. In fact, before my son took a masculine name his classmates and friends had adopted masculine pronouns organically for him. His gender identity has always been read accurately by children, because they viscerally understand the truth of it. For many adults, though, an outdated model of gender and sex gets in their way.

So this evening, in addition to attending candlelight vigils to honor trans people who have been killed because of hate, civil minded citizens can and I hope will commit to using the appropriate pronouns and gender terms for the trans people they encounter in the media or in person. Making extra effort is the starting point for my son’s safety and for knowing him in the most basic sense. Whether or not the Justices of the Supreme Court come to this understanding (and I really hope they do), committing to communicating this basic level of respect is one way anyone and everyone can help in creating a safer future for the trans community.

In honor of trans lives lost in 2019:

Dana Martin, Jazzaline Ware, Ashanti Carmon, Claire Legato, Muhlaysia Booker, Michelle ‘Tamika’ Washington, Paris Cameron, Chynal Lindsey, Chanel Scurlock, Zoe Spears, Brooklyn Lindsey, Denali Berries Stuckey, Tracy Single, Bubba Walker, Kiki Fantroy, Jordan Cofer, Pebbles LaDime ‘Dime’ Doe, Bailey Reeves, Bee Love Slater, Jamagio Jamar Berryman, Itali Marlowe, Briana ‘BB’ Hill.